Our Need To Stay Connected

I’ll admit, I’ve had better days than today. This Twilight Zone we are living in has created so many strange circumstances in our lives. There are variations in the description of what we are experiencing that generally settle on three phases: React, Resolve, Recover. For those keeping score, we’re in the “Resolve” or “Resilience” phase. Lately there’s been initial talk about the “Recover” or “Return” phase and what that looks like. Social Distancing, remote work, new office layouts, that middle seat empty on the plane, and everything virtual are being discussed. While I think some of that may stick, the one thing that will return, and is a constant, is our need to be connected to people in a way that isn’t regulated by bandwidth.
I’m not sure if it’s my long hair, the uncertainty of our routines, or not traveling in over 55 days – probably a combination of it all, but today was just not my day. To top it all off I had writers block, which scares me now more than ever. But as fate would have it, everything happens for a reason. A silver lining appeared right in front of me. It’s my neighbor’s son’s 11th birthday today and his friends came by to wish him “Happy Birthday” in a car parade. It was that moment I had clarity as to what to write about, our personal resilience to rise above while still finding a way to stay connected without technology.
“Resilience” – Noun.
- The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness
- The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity
I had just completed a local ATD Lunch Chat with some new colleagues to share, vent and laugh. I’ve been attending, speaking and presenting at the virtual CLO Symposium this week as well. Both ATD and CLO are “Virtual” events where we’ve been talking about the move to near virtual “everything.” It was only after the parade that I realized that “Virtual” is just the latest trend, hope, or buzz word to sway our fears or comfort us in what the new norm may be. My growing belief is “Virtual” is about as filling as the empty calories in a diet soda. Let me explain why.
We thought this way right after 9/11, for those who may not remember. Yet just a few months ago we were all attending conferences, workshops, going on cruises and visiting theme parks. We want to share real life experiences with others. Our subconscious feeds off this shared emotion and interaction. In many cases its why some are struggling more with the quarantine and isolation than others. There have been more Zoom, WebEx and GoTo meetings than anyone can probably account for, yet much like diet soda, our subconscious needs for a human connection are not being met. Our resilience is diminished much in the way that we’ve been draining our “full tanks” from February into March and are now on fumes in April. The multitude of virtual meetings has failed to replenish them.
Since Mark Fung was such a hit in last week’s blog, and there is a training correlation to what I’m saying, I asked him to provide a better example that I think fits well into this discussion:
When you run a marathon, there is a phenomenon known as ‘hitting the wall’. This happens to most every runner, regardless of age, ability, or experience. Let me explain. When you prepare to run your marathon, you spend the week leading up to it, especially the last few days, preparing your body and fueling with carbs (hence the LONG lines at Olive Garden the nights before every major race😊). Your body stores those carbs and uses them as fuel at the start and throughout the course of the race. And as you continue your race, if you’re smart, you continue to refuel with more carbs along the way, makes sense, right? But here’s the catch, YOU CAN’T REPLENISH YOUR CARBS AS FAST AS YOU CONSUME THEM. You can only replenish 20-30% of the calories you burn. And so your body begins to operate in a caloric deficit. You get slower, running gets harder, pain sets in, bad thoughts permeate your brain… YOU’VE HIT THE WALL.
This very much reminds me of our personal and emotional needs to connect with others right now. Prior to ‘shelter in place’ we had the ‘unlimited soup and breadsticks’ of personal interaction! We were fully carb-loaded. And once people were put in a position to stay home, we could ‘refuel’ with virtual meetings, video conferences, and collaborative tools over the first few weeks. But that only lasts so long. Eventually the tank runs empty, and your emotional needs HIT THE WALL. So how do we persist? How are you remaining resilient?
(side note – every runner I know stuffs their faces with pizza, burgers, and beer after a race as a reward for hard work, persistence, resilience, and enduring the pain. Are you already planning for your ‘emotional pizza and beer’? 😊)
My hope is that everyone reading this week’s blog still has enough in their tank to get through this. To answer Mark’s question “How are you remaining resilient?” I might answer that we should find ways to be authentic and connect in person – safely for now. Those distanced, in-person conversations over coffee, beer or just out for a walk will do more to fill your tank than a day’s worth of Zoom meetings. While the “experts” may forecast a “Virtual” and “Social Distancing” future, I believe our need to interact with others live and in person, will override the fear that predicts a “Virtual World.”